Mama's Boys?

I'm not sure if too many people know this but in Italy, children live with their parents until they get married. This means that, in average, they are not moving out of their homes till 30 something. My sister's Italian boyfriend and brother are perfect examples. They still live at home and both are over 30 (one over 35). This is definitely unheard of in good ol' USA. "Young adults" are pretty much asked to leave home around age 18. Or after college. Or maybe stay a couple of years after college so you can save a little $$ and move out. But there really isn't that attitude of "Stay home till you get married." It is more "Get a job, prove that you can live on your own, and THEN get married."

Now what I found REALLY interesting is that in Italy, MEN stay at home until they get married, while the women move out by themselves much earlier. Why? I know in Colombia, women should definitely stay home. Who will take care and protect them? With the underlying "we need to make sure she's 'pure' for the wedding." In USA, women are allowed to live at home longer than men, but not too long. Men definitely can't (and definitely not till 35!!!!) because people not only start to think "What's wrong with you?!", but how they are not independent and, worse, a "Mama's boy."

So I decided to find out. Why are Italian men staying at home and girls don't? I asked around and here's what people say:

Some say: Men don't move out because they want to be babied their whole lives. When they get married, they expect their wives to replace their mothers who cook, clean and do everything for them.

Other's says: In Italy, men have a very strong and even unhealthy attachment to their mother so they don't want to leave. They stay at home until they find someone who can take care of them like their mother. And even then, they'd rather be with their mother.

A German friend who's lived in Milan for many years. Here's what she says:

When you live with your parents, you get all the perks: free rent, free food, free TV, free laundry service, everything! And while you work, you get to save (or spend) as much as you want, in traveling, food, anything! However, for men, they get a perk. They get their independence. Italian men are allowed to go out and party, come home late as they want, do whatever they want without their parents saying anything. Women, on the other hand, do not. Their parents will always ask where they are going, what they are doing, put rules and limitations. So women have to pick between two things: comfort or independence. And usually they pick independence. So, men live at home. And women move out earlier.

My aunt from Colombia who has lived in Italy for 25+ years says:

In Italy, buying a place is outrageously super expensive and jobs don't pay well at all till you are in your 30's. It is not so much as they are "Mama's boys" but that there is no reason to move out when they have their independence and live well. Why move out to a little efficiency with no living room and pay so much money to barely survive, when you can live well at home until you can afford your own place? There is also no pressure from the parents to move out - they like having their kids at home. She also says that women and men face the same thing. She doesn't see more women moving out than men. This is something all Italian youths face.

And as for the Italian boyfriend who is a perfect example? He just shrugs and says "Bo" (aka: who knows). I told him everyone's opinion and he agrees with all of them, so....

Who is right? Who knows! Maybe everyone is right at some degree. You decide! :-)

Ps. Couldn't help myself. I had to ask. The thing is that in USA, women consider it a problem if a man lives at home because, well... where do you go and "do it"? To a hotel? Every time? Too expensive. Under their mother's roof? I don't think so! So I had to ask the Italian boyfriend. And he said "...I'd take them to the lake house."

OK. What if you don't have a lake house? Or anything else like that. Then what?

"Umm.... when your parents aren't home."

You mean you have to sneak it around? Do it more at your parent's convenience than yours?

"Yes."

In other words, it is like high school but for 20 more years. Wow.

PPS. I told this conversation to my Mom and she said "So they do it the old fashion way. When we had to stay at home."

The old fashion way.

hahahhahahahaa!!!! :-)